The Mid(h)as Touch

The Summer series(SS): Night before it all began

2008-08-24T05:49:00.003+05:30

ACHTUNG: Pure crap ahead!!

Let me set this up for you; I had arrived in Delhi early in the morning and was due to leave for Frankfurt in the night. So as you can imagine it’s was pretty hectic. Between packing, pretending to listen to my parents giving endless advice and collecting my sisters ever longer shopping lists I hardly had time to breathe.But the thing that was bothering me most was I had made a promise to myself about Fiona and not kept it.

Brain2: You said you would do something by the end of the semester.
Brain1: Dude she is super committed. Plus I don’t want to join the long list of people wagging their tails behind her.
Brain2: Ok, tell that to her the next time she stares at you. At least it will start a conversation.
Brain1: The staring means nothing; there are a lot of girls that look back.
Brain2: Ya, but this is the only one that you wanted to ask out. Doesn’t that mean anything to you?
Brain1: About that, I think she isn’t tall enough.
Brain2: I hope you die alone, no, I know you will die alone.

Later I found myself in the all too familiar surroundings of Amar Colony, (for further info read Asses for the masses) looking for ready to eat food, coz I knew there was a better chance of India winning the football world cup than my cooking a decent meal. At this point a super hot girl walks by.

Brain1: WOW! She is super hot and tall too.
Brain2: Ok then, go and talk to her.
Brain1: What!!! Are you out of your mind, pun intended.
Brain2: Donate your genitals, seriously there is no point, you obviously won’t ask anyone out and it has been proven over and over again no girl will make the first move.
Brain1: You are right; if I see her again I will go talk to her.
Brain2: Ya sure like you talked to Fiona.

At this point you should be able to guess what happened because there would be no point to write all this if it hadn’t. While I was placing my order for what was to be my last plate of tikki for a long time, I saw her again. This time I was determined to do something, so with all the strength I had left, I pushed through the wall of well fed- middle aged women that seems to surround every tikki and chat walla in Delhi and went after her.

“Excuse me”
‘Ya’

Brain1: Think; something smart, something funny, something that will sweep her off her feet.
Brain2: Please don’t, half the world knows what happened last time.

“I think you are really gorgeous”
‘Err, thanks’

Brain1: What now? And stop shaking.

“So..can I have your phone number or email”
‘Well, I am not going to hand my email to anyone. Have we met before? How do you know me’
“I don’t just saw you here”
‘Wow, that’s a bit weird. What’s your name? What do you do?’

Brain1: See I told you it was crazy.
Brain2: Shut up and answere the question.

“My name is .....”
‘Ok, so are you here with your friends? Do have some time now?’
“No, I am just here for some last minute shopping I got a flight tonight. So I have no time.”

Brain2: So you have no time for her, real smooth.
Brain1: It’s the truth.

‘ok’

What followed can only be described as a pregnant pause (see Coupling ).

Brain2: Well done Harishchandra. Now what?
Brain1: think, think, think.

“Ok maybe you can give me your name and a few details and I can find you on Orkut then if you don’t like my profile you can block me or something”
‘Ok that can work’

Brain1: That went okay.
Brain2: I am just happy you didn’t ask for where she bought those shorts or shirt or something similar to last time.

For those wondering what happened:

She turned out to be 18, a fashion designing student and also a part time model. Unfortunately also super committed. We chatted a couple of times, but for some mysterious reason she decided to ignore a couple of my pings. The Freak thought it was because her boyfriend might have told her to, I just thought she was rude. What was more unfortunate was that this happened right in the middle of my week from hell (more to come on that) and I was in no mood to take crap. So I started to go offline as soon as she was online (The fact that I was surrounded by much hotter women may also have contributed) This was not well received and I am pretty sure I am blocked now. (Hence the blog!!) But it’s all right, or as a very scary and very drunk bald German man told me at a lake side BBQ:

“Es gibt eine Menge sexy Hündinnen in der Welt. Sie nicht Ihre Zeit über ein”

And of course I still have to work on Fiona.

Sequel

2008-07-10T13:54:00.000+05:30

My heart beats fast and then faster still as it tries to outrun time itself and then all of a sudden it stops or at least it seems to, maybe the futility of his pursuit dawned on him. I run around the room like a caged animal, fervently trying to revive it.

Hahahahahahahahahahhhahaheheheheeheheheheehehahuhauhauhahu

I stop to ponder the paradox and it beats again. We come back to square one, a circle so unendingly vicious and so endearingly fascinating. I study my face closely in the mirror, examine every expression watch myself fall back in slow motion and press replay, trying to take my mind off my heart and its antics. But it’s not really about that, is it? It’s about death as it has always been. Death makes angels of us all and gives us wings as smooth as Raven’s claws. But I don’t want to die at 27 let alone 21, there is just too much to see, too much to learn and too many people to meet. I wonder if it’s worth taking the mother-ship down with me, but just as I was going to baby Jesus shows up at my door. He brings news of the other wise men and insists that we must leave. As I step out I hear sobs reminding me of the presence of death, so near, maybe it missed by a couple of hundred feet. If it seems to be real its illusion, unfortunately it seemed more like an illusion.

I feel a star die as I walk. I examine the familiar streets with the eagerness of an alien. We are joined by another, the three wise men now, wait wasn’t there baby Jesus, does it really matter? The rest was an unfamiliar well rehearsed routine. As I walked back in the last remaining light of dusk, I realized that the star that died was within me and now it was a raging black hole, ready to suck all matter into its depth. I fed it whatever I could find and returned to sate of numbness. Phlegmatic as I could be I amused myself with the stupidity of kings.

Above all mountains known to man, above all the paradoxical heights around a circular planet, at this the highest point there are no stars only a warm cradle like open arms and a distant sound coming through in waves

Bam, bam bhole

The Movie

2008-06-03T13:46:00.002+05:30

Ah! Where do we begin? It’s been so long and a lot has happened: continents were left behind, new places were discovered, girls were asked out on an impulse, only to be completely forgotten on the next one, some gazes were met leaving questions unanswered and intentions unknown while other eyes were lost forever, submarines were sunk to reach new heights, eras were ended, gold was collected, mistakes were pondered upon, ambitions were made and then changed only to be revised again...( and the search for the light still continues) mostly countless hours were spent staring at the wall, the ceiling, the rain outside or her eyes. Neither am I qualified enough nor is it my mojo to milk the sacred cow so I will lay this part to rest.

The programme for this evening is not new. You have seen this entertainment through and through. You have seen your birth, your life and your death; you may recall all the rest. Let’s see how much I do...

The autumn of disappointment quickly led to a cold and prolonged winter where countless attempts were made to understand my actions. Though none of these attempts were made by me (I gave up such worthless pursuits a long time ago) they still served as a reminder that I was not alone, for now that is. The new-year brought along with it a new numbness, though not that comfortable. What was also noteworthy was that along with the new-year came the apparent commitment season. Some chose to announce their new found love from the rooftops while others (very aptly) followed a ‘pehle aap’ philosophy. I would have let this slide by had it not brought my friends, who had just joined the committed bandwagon, to ask me why I hadn’t hoped on it yet. In my stay in never-ever-again-land (read as roorkee) I have been asked this question by quite a lot of people including some who have the anatomical ability to change the answere. I must admit I have mixed feelings when I hear it: it’s nice to know people expect someone to be romantically associated with you but there is also the growing frustration of not knowing why the cosmos conspires to keep such a thing from happening.

To answere lets analyse, there is always the question of the school. I know that we have a rich tradition of sending entries to the convention in LA but it’s not a compulsory thing and the fact that I resembled something that can best be described as a close descendent of a woolly mammoth in my school days wouldn’t have helped. After coming to never-ever-again-land I think it’s only fair to say that my choices have been limited and I sort of tend to be too late to act. Then there are those who return my gaze with one of their own (although maybe not as wide eyed and not with an open jaw) or with a polite smile. I am afraid I have become a collector of looks, some of which I want to respond to but don’t really know how to and when I do try...well I guess you would have read Pinky and the Brains. I think I am a bit like Pauli Bleaker; so is there a Juno reading this.

I think I will end this here because a great man once said ‘there is more to life than scoring chicks’ and I think I have digressed enough because spring was upon us and after chasing away the winter it brought some new experiences and the highest point till now. So get ready for the sequel...

WOW!!

2007-11-13T08:07:00.000+05:30

Don't think I will ever go back there again.
Good, spent too much time there already. Need to do other stuff.
Went to run though, too much time not to think about it.
Thats the problem too much thinking, you have seen worse, need to let it go.
Maybe thats why I am writing. Closure.

Thats it for the plan then.
Too much to go now, besides you got work.
Do I have the right to break three hearts just coz mine was.
Its not about rights, you should know that by now.

PS: I hung them up.

Asses for the Masses

2007-11-05T05:53:00.000+05:30

The Cambridge Advanced learners dictionary defines ass(or more correctly arse) as the part of the body you sit on, but this seemingly natural extension of the thighs has an unnaturally large bearing on our lives which its modest meaning is unable to convey. An example.
Walking through Amar colony (which means sharing whatever is left of the road by hawkers with luxury cars,motorcycles devoid of silencers, honking auto-rikshaws, rikshaws doing wheelies, seemingly bendable cycles, khooni prams,three legged cows, the omnipresent dogs not to mention fellow pedestrians all moving together and cutting accross each other in such a manner that will make you believe in god) for the n+1 th time during the summer hols my Friend asked me a question which each man must answere before he can fully move on with his life, Are you an ass man? I answered that I was not in the habit of indivisually assesing parts of the female anatomy. Hearing this he launched into one of the longest monologues known to mankind about how asses were not as important to him of which I didn't hear a word because I was looking at a pair of shorts moving majestically in mid air some way ahead of me.
So, am I an ass man? According to the immortal Jeff Murdoch "man loved asses so much that god had to put them on backwards to avoid him staring at them all the time", to answere the question: I don't know. We never discussed asses much during aur school days as it turns out those open ended white skirts can act as great leveller for bottoms. As far as Roorkee goes the parakeet from DOMS still takes the cake even though there have been some notable additions. But what really got me going an asses was Thomso more specifically the vogue prelims lets just say that I have never been happier that a girl was walking away from me. The question remains
Are you an ass man?, Maybe the answere is 42

The 10 Commandments

2007-08-28T02:04:00.000+05:30

these are list religious and moral imperitives blah blah blah...

there is only one God- the guitar
thou shall always carry a bag
thou shall grow your hair
every day is sabbath day there is no need to keep it holy
thou shall honour no one but yourself
thou shall call all the male dudes and the females dudettes
thou shall commit adultery at every given opportunity
thou shall not steal but can take anything left unattended
thou shall always be stoned and hence thou shall not bear witness, false or true
thou shall covet thy neighbour's wife, the house is optional

Primal Fear

2007-08-28T01:53:00.000+05:30

There is something that keeps me awake at night, something that keeps me glued to my bed in the morning, something that makes me want to run from every place I find myself, something that makes me frown when I want to smile, something that makes me want to invisible better still not to exist at all, something that makes me find a strange completeness in the silent solitude I seek. It’s a fear, a fear etched so deep that it must be fed, so deep in fact that it has become synonymous with my existence more like an addiction. But its still a fear with a cause only, I don’t know what it is.

If you look around fear is what makes our little world go around, fear of a back that makes us attend classes, fear of others succeeding that makes us study or enter into “organizational” activities, fear of a lack of knowledge is what drives the majma put on by profs, there is no count of how many couples have fallen prey to the fear of public opinion (or standards if u please).

Inherently, I don’t think I suffer from any of these, and whatever my rodent friend believes I think I am pretty good at analyzing my own problems which has led me with only two explanations on the issue. First, the time to move on is coming along quickly and in the absence of a clear path forward all I want to do is lay still. Second, in spite of the second looks and smiles, I think I might be talking to a laptop in the middle of the night again.

A Little South of SANITY

2007-06-17T20:08:00.000+05:30

I see a sea of gray all round me, the colour "grey" here is not supposed to symbolize anything (like when u r blue), its just that everybody here (at the plant) from the director to the clerk; man, woman or otherwise wears grey. Its kindda getting on my last nerve.

I expected to have nothing to do at training let face it, thats all you can expect from a PSU, I also expected to be made to run from pillar to post for a stupid ID card, to have a crappy apartment with a crappier flatmate(he doesn't drink), but what my dearest dad left out of my sunday night breifing (7 hours before i was to leave) was that I was to be staying on the outskirts of the city and thats where most of my nerves went.

After reaching and sleeping on it I decided that I was not going to let this ruin my vacation(do hell with the training) and I set out to explore the city. I must have looked like a real hippie walking around in shorts with a bag on my shoulders, after all this is the land of the lungi. From that day on I have travelled far and wide in this city and I have some questions like why is every eatery has sagar somewhere in its name?(care to explain lefty), why does every bakery have iyenger in its name? why are there happy hours in a pre school? why do these people love Rajnikant?why is a gaming parlour named smack?why is there a 'h' after every 't'(maruthi, santhi etc.)why do people get off their bikes while crossing the road? what role do mascots have at a wedding?

I will no doubt grope around the city searching for the answeres (much like I do when I have to order food)in whatever time I have remaining with me, there are redeeming factors here like they really know how to make coffee, the girls know how to dress (or undress) and there are a lot of pubs around the place.

A Greek Trajedy

2007-05-30T02:59:00.000+05:30

After a week filled with pain and grief (see pic) I finally feel that I am ready to talk about the unfortunate events that took place at the Olympic stadium in Athens. The scene was set, after slaying the mighty Catalans and disposing of the czar’s army with an obnoxiously arrogant manager the mighty reds entered into a repeat of the 2005 final. Another David vs Goliath encounter. Apparently history does not repeat itself and god is Italian or to be more precise Milanese.
But this is not about a match, not even one as important as the champions league. As you all know I have been singled out as Liverpool FC’s official representative in Roorkee. Anytime they loose I meet about a million people in my short commute from the department to Ravindra who try to rub it in my face. I would be lying if I said it didn’t affect me because it does and it should. What really gets on my nerves is that most of these people could not differentiate between a red card and a green card, which is to say that they know nothing about football (especially the ones that have joined the football fans community on orkut- how phony can you get?) and are just trying to lessen the misery of their pathetic existence by adding to mine.
But this is also not about the miserable people of Roorkee who find solace in the suffering of their fellow brethren. This is about why I so ardently support a club from the windy port on the north west coast of England. It certainly does not have the best players, nor has it been that successful in recent years, it is because the team collectively has a habit of playing better than they are supposed to (with the help of its supporters) and beat far better opponents that one time. It is on such a team that sport movies are made not on a team, which wins over and over again, it is the reason why we still remember that Bangladesh defeated Australia and why the memory of Istanbul will far outlive that of Athens even for the Milanese.
Reading this you would feel that its alright if they loose as long as they win every once in a while, well if you do you couldn’t be more wrong and now even I don’t know what this is about. Its complicated you see, football is not a matter of life and death, its much more than that.

Pinky and The Brains

2007-05-23T02:01:00.000+05:30

Let me set this up for you: It’s the first day of the year and after pissing what can only be described as a very acidic mixture of vodka and urea me and my homies decided to go slow on the ethanol. But it turned out to be a lousy day so we ended up drinking and watching the diaper laden red devils taking on the gay magpies on a projector while enjoying the now familiar display of the human anatomy on the beach. Somehow and I honestly do not have a clue how, I found myself sitting alone outside on the beach staring across a pathway into the shack were they were showing the match.

There are 3 major players in the next scene, Pinky (the girl), Brain1 (the part of my brain responsible for my actions and thoughts), Brain2 (the part which basically acts as an advocate for my genitals)

I am sitting and bending low to catch a better view of the screen as a pair of really good legs sporting a denim mini skirt walk past.
Brain2: she was hot.
Brain1: WHAT? We just saw her legs she could be really ugly for all u know.
Brain2: don’t ruin it for me. God I love mini skirts.

As it turns out the nice pair of legs had an equally nice if not nicer upper half and as a collective entity constituted one smokin’ hottie. This unit will henceforth be referred to as Pinky. The odd thing was Pinky was standing in what appeared to be the middle of no mans land about six feet away from me staring in a million different directions and swaying about thirty degrees back and forth.
Brain1: what the heck is she doing?
Brain2: well, do you see anybody around you?

There was nobody within twenty feet
Brain1: no but, whats that got to do with it?
Brain2: man you are really stupid

Somebody somewhere turned on a light bulb and that’s when I realized that in my bewilderment I was staring at her and she was smiling at me and of course I was smiling back
Brain1: what the heck are you smiling for? You are making a complete idiot of yourself. just stare at the giant screen and pretend to watch the match.
Brain2: stare at the screen!!!!! Why don’t you donate your balls to medical science I am sure they can find a use for them you certainly can’t?
Brain1: you are right I have to come up with a good line, something witty and funny, something that will sweep her of her feet.
Brain2: you can tell her grandkids about it coz u certainly won’t be having any, there’s no time go simple.

At this instant as if acting as an angel sent from god an equally hot chick also wearing a denim mini skirt runs past me and hugs pinky from behind in a manner that could melt a thousand glaciers all at once
Brain1&2(in unison): oh thank you dear lord for this wonderful day…

The prayer was cut short by a matter of fact “lets drink man” from one of my friends and on account of the fact that I am chicken I turned my attentions away from Pinky and she left (I did make a note of the general direction in which she went)
Brain2: STUPID STUPID, STUPID STUPID, STUPID

The night passed on, I even went to hunt her down, I don’t know why but I had to see her again. The hunt was unsuccessful I sat down at the bar and gulped down few tequila shots. And then it happened, it felt like it was destiny, ‘ you’re beautiful’ was playing (see lyrics) and she was walking towards the beach exit now wearing what can be described as a delightfully tight pink jacket over the fore mentioned denim skirt (hence the name)
With the wobbly feet reminiscent of a newly born goat I made my way steadily to cut her off. I reached her and said, ”excuse me”

Brain1: come up with a good line, something witty and funny, something that will sweep her of her feet.
Brain2: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD
Brain1: ok! Look around; find something

And that’s when I said my first and judging by its quality my last pick up line: ”where did you get these sandals” (in my defense, I was drunk). OH did I happen to mention that at this time she was standing there with 2 other girls and 3 other boys, who I presume were her friends and they considered it their moral responsibility to answere my question while she stood there smiling as I stared at her feet
Brain1&2(in unison): STUPID STUPID, STUPID STUPID STUPID, STUPID

I turned to go back knowing that I had blown it and that she bought the sandals from Mumbai and that I could get them at any shop in Anjuna and a lot of other stuff I didn’t want to know.
Brain1: maybe she is dumb she didn’t say a word you know and at least they didn’t hit you with the sandal
Brain2: STUPID STUPID, STUPID STUPID, STUPID
Turns out she wasn’t dumb coz as I turned back she called back, ”Excuse me”.
‘ya’
“ Happy New Year”
Brain1: man that smile can kill!!!
Brain2: STUPID STUPID, STUPID STUPID, STUPID

Now the jocks of this world (roorkee) may call this story pathetic and me a loser (which may not be entirely false) but at least I have a story to tell.

UNFORGETABLES

2007-03-09T06:26:00.000+05:30

Here is my list of seven unforgettable moments from the last two years of schooling in reverse order of unforgetability

STAR WARS: I don’t know how many of you remember our first class with Hussain; on second thoughts I hope you don’t. He melodramatically drew a cube on the board and filled it to the brim with crap, metaphorically of course, about how we need hard work and imagination to excel in physics. That class is known to most as the ‘drawing class’. The point to all this is that there is no point to it. Meanwhile, one fine day in the seminar room that was our classroom next to the AVH, Hussain on one of his pravachans said something to Munjal, which I don’t know so we should all make our own assumptions. Kudos to Munjal for not taking crap from anyone even if it is an exotic four and a half feet tall Bangladeshi vampire as he told Hussain, in a polite manner, to stuff it. Hussain never taught us again that year, of course this was not the last we heard of him.

THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK: quite literally. Hussain left us in the able hands of Mr. Manoj Arora and we had a blast picking our ways through the various “okay”s, the fake accent, the coat that doubled up as the duster, the fact that ‘ I section jaise bante ja rahe hain aap” and who can forget the sunglasses (though he only wore them for a couple of days). This is the part where the empire strikes back, the empire is the general body of physics teachers and what they strike back is Munjal. Again I am not sure about the details but there was a duster (a real one and not the coat) and it was hurled without any provocation at Munjal. By this time it should be clear that Munjal sticks to his principles, this then gave rise to an entirely new theory of energy transfer in which energy is provided to organic life forms by beating the hell out of them. As can be imagined research is still on for the peaceful use of this new and groundbreaking technology.

OH CHINKY!!; Remember the classroom which had those four monitors strategically positioned. The ones in which we had the not so ‘smart class’ and usually just caught up on our nights sleep. On one of such classes our beloved Apoorv got slapped square in the face by Rishi Nagpal. Now I am the guy that tells you there are guys you can be hit by and then there are guys you can’t. Now that’s not quiet a guy you can’t be hit by, but it’s almost a guy you can’t be hit by. So I am going to make a fucking ruling on this right now, you don’t fucking get hit by him you understand. ã The Departed (for all those who didn’t get the joke in the heading watch Coupling)

RETURN OF THE SITH: It is a well known fact to every student of our class and to some unfortunate souls who just happen to pass by the classroom at the time, that when our beloved class teacher took a physics class the air suddenly felt heavier, the fans made a lot of noise and we moved close to the speed of light as could be seen by the fact that time seemed to move at an infinitesimally slow pace. To top it all what he usually said to us had little to do with the subject of physics as known to the rest of humanity and instead revolved around some obscure morals and eternally long doses of the CBSE V/S IIT debate. It was during one such ordeal that an unlikely hero emerged amongst us, though a reluctant one this hero with the power of Hercules and the truthfulness of Gandhi told Hussain and I quote “sir, aap lecture kyun de rahe ho?” Hussain being the man that he is said something and walked out, Apoorv being…well, Apoorv ran after him while the class took a few moments of contemplation and then laughed and laughed till they could laugh no more and then laughed some more. For providing the most entertaining physics class for two years all hail king CHINKY.

IS IT A BIRD? IS IT A PLANE? NO IT’S A WINDOW: If I have been a little hazy about the incidents that I have mentioned previously, then let me admit I know almost nothing about this one and this line is written just so that the entry does not look really small. What I do know is that a 3 feet by 2 feet window fell of our third floor classroom to the ground and somehow Japjeet was blamed for it, need I say more. You are the best Mike.

RATHI (or Bhatnagar): The apple of our eye, our Greek goddess of everything and our computer teacher as well, though not many people paid any attention to that during her classes. Why should they? She was the hottest thing in the F-block. (My jurisdiction here is restricted to our block as I have been furnished numerous details about genetically modified super hot human beings walking around in the health block though it was my misfortune not to have personally inspected one of them for the betterment of science and humanity). The point here is that nothing that I write will ever be, in my own eyes, a befitting description of her, therefore I am not even going to try. Of course we never got to see her in the jeans and t-shirt we wanted her to wear to the picnic but it is safe to say that all the guys who had the pleasure of being present on karvachauth will take that image with them to their graves.

WWF: Reading this you probably get the feeling that all our classes except the physics one passed quite uneventfully. Well for the most part you would be right, but for one chemistry class when after a minute of teaching our teacher decided to unleash a number of rights and lefts on Rana that would have done Hulk Hogan proud. After some feeble protests, which were answered with more rights and lefts, Rana wisely decided to flee the scene. As this was an unprecedented event in all of human history nobody knew how to react so nobody did.

CAS-trated

2007-01-29T04:06:00.000+05:30

Well, have you ever found yourself just sitting, staring at the TV and in a moment of profound horror realizing that it wasn’t on? No, I thought so, but its been happening to me a lot in the past three days. The government by a very biased random draw came up with the god fearing, mildly mannered locality of south Delhi as the guinea pig to try out the new Conditional Access System and all that was left for me, were the free to air channels which turned out to be a collection of hindi and regional news intermingled horrifically with every doordarshan and punjabi music channel conceivable.
The sharp and sophisticated journalism of the BBC and the unerring assessment of financial markets by CNBC replaced by the sansanikhez khabarein of channels like S1 and tez, which have taken a very keen interest in the ash-abhi union. The unforgettable melodies of VH1 Classics swapped with every imaginable prefix of Singh and Kaur pelting out the latest Punjabi folk songs all the way from Canada. The EPL replaced by the exhilaration of the (n+1)th re-run of the Doha games and just to put the icing on the cake there is DDs answere to Ekta Kapoor in the shape of ‘Lal Khothi Kiski’.
In the most recent of my moments of horror I caught myself wondering of the similarities of this situation and impotency. Think about it, you got the necessary hardware (in one case the television in the other your genitals), you can even use the equipment (we’ll leave out the details) but as in the words of Linkin Park “in the end it doesn’t even matter”. There is this ever growing void of nothingness like the silence between Steve and Susan in that call on Coupling. In a very fitting conclusion and as my message to the heartless rulers of this land, I quote Stan of southpark fame (with some mods),” you killed TV. You bastard”

2006-12-09T22:32:00.000+05:30

WANTED

A physical quantity given by the formula frequency*60. The suspect is known to be the leader of a violently dangerous, insanely absurd and unthinkably arrogant terrorist group known as MAJMA(Monkeys, Assholes and Jackasses for Molesting Anyone). The suspect is known to drink only wine, he burns every document that he memorizes and is known to use the best toileteries known to mankind. He claims to be one of the first hundred users of G mail, he also claims to see electric currents and fluxes in appliances and is intimately involved with the IITR alumini association. If you see such a person do not try to be a hero and catch him yourself contact us.

Issued in public interest by:

PUTA( People for Unethical Torture of Assisant-professors)

THE HOLY COMMUNION

2006-10-03T01:45:00.000+05:30

Man and ball may seem to be an odd couple to the more reserved and orthodox thinkers amongst us but a careful analysis of an average human life and the evolution of history will no doubt reveal that this is match made in heaven.
Remember the light red ball filled with air, about the size of a football that had you hypnotized when you were a toddler rolling with it, kicking it, grabbing it, throwing it formed the basis of your and similarly mine relationship with a ball and somehow that first ball is always red. But this is not about colours and as we grow older we discover and sometimes invent millions of ways to interact with a ball some of them have been called sports.
The obsession of men with balls is simply shown by the gazillion types of balls we have invented, see for yourself we have footballs, baseballs, cricket balls, tennis balls, golf balls, volleyballs the list is endless we have even made the rugby ball and similar to it the American and Australian footballs which are not even spherical, so balls come in all sizes and even in fact one of the greatest achievements of modern science is the art of ball making, we make them of all sorts of things, we put all sorts of things in them (u pervert) and we have all sorts of ways to stitch them together.
The obsession with balls does not end there, the word ’ball’ unthreatening as it may seem has taken over our normal conversations. I got a dog like friend who says “balls to you”, though he never mentions which ones it is suppose to be insulting. We refer to some of our most important organs as balls that is like the highest respect that a word can get.
God of course realized this very soon during the course of evolution. That is when he created the woman and also made sex sooooooooooooo good and breasts to make us work. Of course the whole Adam and Eve story was a big cover up. All in all the Holy Communion was man and ball not man and that chick